He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
