So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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