MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
