I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
