I feel like abortions should bother me more
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
