I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
