My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
