the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
