He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
