Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
