I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
