Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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