I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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