I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
