His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
