question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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