Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
