Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
pray to the hookup gods
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
