Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
