i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
COCAINE IS GR8
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
