Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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