Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
