mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
