If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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