yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
