So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
is it fun? or sober?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
