If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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