Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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