fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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