We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
