Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
