I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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