if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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