would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
