Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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