No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
