I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
