Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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