Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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