Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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