it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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