Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
