it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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