ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
