Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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