I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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