So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
