My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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