Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
