I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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