meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
